The brave man with a sword. Only when we tell the truth can there be true healing. For, the worse information, when told in the simple and honest truth, can be taken with the grace and love truth carries. There was a few times in which I felt betrayed in my life. My first experience came from my mother the day she tried to commit suicide when I was a child, and then again when she pushed me into an arranged marriage later on in my life. Other betrayals came from friends and romances, people I deeply loved and trusted. I am almost 44 years old and I only felt betrayal 5 times in my life.
Once for each decade. Not so bad really J. I held on to the anger I felt towards my mother for many years for example.
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How could the woman I loved the most in my life, betray me so deeply, I often asked myself? But that question kept on repeating itself every time I felt betrayed. How could this person that I loved so much betray my trust and my love? I am sure there were times in which there were violations of this most intimate moment for the horse. We violate such spaces when we are afraid, insecure, feel powerless, or even jealous.
I have a hard time believing people we love do things out of meanness. Hurt can only come out of hurt. Maybe I am wrong, maybe not, and maybe there are exceptions to this theory.
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Whatever it is, I am sure there were horses whose eyes were injured or even blinded in that moment of violation which can be seen as betrayal. If I was a horse I could only process what happened to me if I understood the feeling that triggered the person I loved so much to violate my space in such a painful way. Suddenly, I wondered if a horse would so easily let people come into that space.
Things started shifting from seeing any point of betrayal from inside out its all about the others who betrayed to seeing it from within the self. When have I betrayed myself? I started asking. What were those moments? What triggered me to betray myself? For the journey to the self is always the hardest one. Here, I am embarking on yet another inner journey to see what I needed to discover, heal, love and accept about myself. Just as I was hurt, angry, and disappointed at the loved ones who once betrayed me, I became angry and disappointed with myself for all the times I let go of my instinct and did not trust it; for all the times I did not stand up for my rights or own my voice and power; for all the times I justified sacrificing myself and my well-being in the name of love; and for all the times I tried to protect my vulnerabilities by creating illusions and projections of the people I loved, rather than addressing and seeing my true needs and what I was seeking thereby seeing the true being and who they were.
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I continued to dig and dig and dig deeper until I found the little girl in me that was acting out of her pain, vulnerability and fear rather than from the strength of the adult woman that I had become. The betrayal of me came from my own injuries. Some go back to my childhood and are still working themselves out in my adult life.
Suddenly, the anger and the disappointment I felt towards myself transformed into deep love and affection right down to the vulnerable part of me that was acting out of pain, for I understood that pain and its source. As women we are trained and so used to being hard on ourselves and almost fearing self-love that it can be seen as selfish, not motherly, or as not giving enough. Hurt people hurt people.
Life hurts. Life is hard.
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Behind the eyes of supposed monsters we can find wounded children: scared, fragile, trying to avoid pain. By Shawn Coss. And we can have more compassion for ourselves when we make mistakes. We can notice when we slip up and cause harm, and instead of crucifying ourselves or denying that it happened, we can get curious about it.
Often we will find that we acted out of fear—fear caused by prior wounds—and we can then discover a tenderness for the wounded child or adult within us who is afraid and acting out. Furthermore, we can sit with this fear and the feelings of pain beneath it; we can look at these feelings calmly, in the light of relaxed, open, non-judgmental awareness.
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This is quite difficult to do, but often when we do this we find that the pain and fear begin to dissolve. Through this meditative process we become more aware of our emotions and behaviors and less likely to act unconsciously. If we like, we can also seek out other means of healing and releasing our traumas: Psychotherapy, self-authoring , plant medicine work , creating art, breathwork, meditation, time in nature, ecstatic dance, inner child work, and other modalities are all powerful avenues through which we can begin to heal ourselves and release our burdens.
I have worked with most all of these modalities and found great value in them. Awareness is immensely powerful. We are all traumatized. This is perfectly okay. It also seems true, though, that at any given time the humans on this planet exist on a wide spectrum in terms of the extent to which they are hurt VS healed.
So humans exist on a wide spectrum, and some are much farther along the upward-spiraling path than others. This is not intended as a judgment of anyone, and I am not saying that anyone is inherently better or more valuable than anyone else. Yet there does seem to be an upward-spiraling path of human development , and as you progress along this path—as you heal yourself and increase awareness—you increasingly become a healing presence in the world. Art by David Revoy. So the archetypal medicine wo man, or wise healer, according to McKenna, is a person who was once sick—and therefore knows what it is to be sick—but who has healed themselves.
Having healed themselves, they are then able to assist in the healing of others.
Similarly, as we heal and release our traumas, and as we gain awareness of our patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior, we act less and less from a place of unconsciousness, and thus we cause less and less harm. As we gradually penetrate through our many layers of ego, persona, defense mechanisms, conditioning, and indoctrination, we begin to get in touch with our center: Unconditional love, the light of pure consciousness, the infinite wellspring of creative potential at the center of Being.
When we are in touch with this center and allowing it to flow through us and animate us —when our actions arise organically from this deep soul-level place—everything we do becomes increasingly infused with love, peace, joy, and creativity. We cease to force things, trusting ourselves to the flow of life, acting from a pure place, and loosening the grip of our expectations and attachments to particular outcomes.
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We surrender to the River of Being, and paradoxically, in surrendering—in letting go of control—we blossom into fuller and more honest expressions of ourselves. As this process unfolds, we heal ourselves further, and our presence begins to heal others. Without needing to speak explicitly about our process, we become akin to beacons signaling the truth that a different way of being is possible, magnetizing others who are ready for change. Things arise and she lets them come; things disappear and she lets them go.
When her work is done, she forgets it. That is why it lasts forever. By simply radiating kindness and love, we are engaging in an act of deep service, contributing to the healing of humanity and of the planet, initiating ripple effects that extend beyond what we might imagine. It may sound cliche, but love truly is the most powerful healing force in the world. Simply spending time with people who listen carefully and non-judgmentally—who truly endeavor to see and understand the heart of another — is immensely healing for human beings.
Throughout history many have left breadcrumbs pointing to the truth of the astounding healing power of love and compassion. Only a person who is truly centered and clear within themselves can consistently meet the unconscious and hurtful words and behaviors of others with unwavering kindness and compassion. This is akin to a superpower. Half-jokes aside, I imagine by now the point is abundantly clear: The more you heal yourself, the more your presence will heal others.